May 30, 2012
I wrote my last rent check for my place last week.
Signed, stamped, and in the mail.
Can somebody please tell me what the f*ck I was doing the past 10 months? Because I could swear I was just moving in yesterday.
Although the past year has positively flown by, there have been a few life lessons that I’ve learned during my year of solitary living. Some important, some funny, and some just downright embarassing. But all worthy of noting.
1.) You will get bored. Sometimes you’ll get so bored, you decide you should take up meditation as an in-home hobby. You soon realize this is just as boring, just in a much more uncomfortable position.
2.) Consider yourself lucky if you have a pet to talk to. Because if you don’t, it’s just you and mirror. And don’t think you won’t go there. You will.
3.) It is possible to eat an entire bag of chocolate chips during one episode of Grey’s Anatomy. Even if you only meant to eat one. Or two.
4.) There is no need to cook an entire batch of tacos on a random Wednesday night. Nobody is going to “pop in” for dinner. And taco meat gets really old after eating it for four days straight.
5.) Walking around naked isn’t nearly as fun as television makes you think. I tried it once and got embarrassed.
6.) You can eat ice cream any time you want. Nobody will know. Nobody. Well, except your doctor when your yearly physical reveals you’ve gained 10 pounds.
7.) You’ll get really good at practicing your facial expressions in your bathroom mirror. I’ve got “surprised” and “concerned” down pat.
8.) Sometimes you’ll lie and say you went to the gym, when really all you did all day was sit in your 10 year old sweatpants eating saltines and switching back and forth between Mrs. Eastwood and Company and Bethenney Ever After.
9.) You will get lonely. Sometimes you’ll call a friend for a drink. Sometimes you’ll pick up the phone and have an hour long conversation with your mom. And sometimes you’ll just indulge yourself in a self-induced pity party. (Tears optional.)
10.) If you’re a girl, you’ll still change your sheets. If you’re a guy– probably not.
11.) You’ll get sad when you don’t get mail. Really– don’t people believe in writing letters anymore?
12.) Prospective tenants coming to look at your apartment don’t count as company. There is no need to bake cookies.
13.) There is nothing better than coming home to your very own space after a long day at work or a night out with friends. Nothing.
14.) You’ll get angry when your friends take longer than an hour to play Words with Friends. Constantly refreshing your phone will not speed them up. Trust me.
15.) You’ll know you’ve gone too long without talking to anybody when you’re own boyfriend texts you with “Are you alive?”
16.) It is possible to read Twilight in a week. No, not the first book. The entire series.
17.) Facebook stalking does not count as human interaction.
18.) It’s the only time in your life when you can be completely anal about the way your place looks. So if you can’t fall asleep unless all your throw pillows are in place on your couch, get it out of your system now.
19.) Screaming and jumping on your counter is a completely rational response to seeing a mouse. So is calling your boyfriend and making him come pick you up at 10pm on a Tuesday because you’re convinced the mouse is definitely in your bed. Like, under the covers. (Note: no, it isn’t.)
20.) Get to know your maintenance man. He’ll be a life saver when you have a gas leak. Or your hot water heater goes. Or when your kitchen light has been stuck on for a week and you don’t know why.
21.) And finally,it might take you 10 months, but you’ll realize that so far, it’s been the best year of your life. Everybody should live alone at least once.
I’ll definitely be sad when my lease is up July 31st, but I’ve also got a lot to look forward too. Now excuse me, I’m off to watch a marathon of New Girl. (Probably the least embarrassing show that I currently watch.)