Great news for all us women out there!

Researchers at the University of California, San Diego are claiming they have defined “ideal” beauty.

Oh thank God!

You know, because I really need a bunch of ass-hat researchers deciding whether or not the distance between my eyes makes me pretty.

Do these people really have nothing better to do?

But, there is good news!

If you’re facial features don’t add up, the researchers reassure all us non-pretty girls that a strategic haircut and makeup can help keep our fugliness at bay.

And don’t worry boys, they haven’t forgotten you!

So you don’t feel left out in this truly ground-breaking revelation, further research is being conducted to determine what makes you good-looking, too.


Why someone would even fund a study like this is beyond me.

If these people have so much money to throw around on crap like this, maybe their next study should be on the plummeting body image of teenage girls around the country.

And then they can give themselves a hearty pat on the back for being responsible for it.