I Just Wanted to Go to the Bank

May 27, 2011

It’s not even 10am and today is already shaping up to be weird.

Apparently, I’m in love. Or I have the flu. And I’ve met the Divine Power.

Let me start at the beginning.

I had some errands to run this morning (banking, post office, CVS– you know. Run of the mill.)

I started off at the bank.

Normally going to the bank really isn’t all that exciting.

Unless the guy waiting on you is named Divinepower.

I swear to God.That was his name. Unless of course his name tag was lying, which I don’t think it was because I highly doubt a professional establishment like TD Bank would allow their employees to f*ck with their customers heads like that.

I don’t know why, but I got kind of nervous. Blame Apocolypse 2011.

I mean, what if this guy really was the Divine Power, cleverly disguised as a bank teller? (Because really, who would ever expect Him to show up as a bank teller? Nobody, that’s who.)

What was I supposed to do? Pray? Confess my sins? Ask “Is it really you?”

In any case, I managed to resist the urge to run away, and I got my banking done with only a few nervous (and uncalled for) chuckles.

Then I hightailed it out of there.

Onto the post office.

I just wanted a stamp. That’s all.

So, I waited in line for my turn, and approached the counter with what I thought was just a normal looking expression on my face.

Here is the conversation that followed:

Me: “Hello. I just need a stamp.”
Post Office Guy: “You got it.”
Me: (waiting patiently, looking around and avoiding eye contact to ward off any unwanted conversation.)
POG: “You know what? I’m going to give you a love stamp. Because you look like you’re in love.”
Me: (blank stare) “…huh?”
POG: “Yup. You’ve got the look of love on your face.”
Me: “I do?” (silently wondering if perhaps I wore too much bronzer today.)
POG: “You sure do. Either that, or you have the flu. The symptoms are very similar you know.”
Me: (not knowing what to say, because seriously, WTF is this guy talking about?) “Oh, uh haha. Then I guess I’ll, um, take love?”
POG: “Yeah, I’d say it’s love too. Well, have a great day!”
Me: “Um, thanks. See ya.”

I left feeling very confused.

And slightly defeated. I thought I had my “I’m indifferent and just want to get my shit done so please don’t talk to me” facial expression down, but apparently I don’t because I seem to invite unwanted conversations wherever I go.

In any case, I haven’t gone to CVS yet. Fingers crossed I don’t run into any more weird situations. Happy Friday!


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