A Baby’s Name is Directly Proportional to His Mom’s Stupidity

April 22, 2011

I was just wasting time on Facebook when I came across a status regarding the name Neveah. Yes– Heaven. Spelled backwards.

Aside from the sheer lack of originality by taking a holy word, reversing the order of it’s letters, and applying it as a moniker for some poor, innocent baby who will no doubt grow up to be a hooker, but will justify her sins in the name of the Holy Spirit because there’s no way God won’t let her into Heaven, because, DUH!, that’s practically her name, only backwards…it’s just stupid.

It is not deep. It is not meaningful. It is just. Plain. Stupid.

It’s like naming your kid Dog, but feeling clever about it because it’s actually God spelled backwards.

And then you can roll your eyes at all the people who give you horrified looks when they hear you calling your kid Dog, because, GOD!, they just don’t get it! You’re clever! You took God, turned it around, and named your kid that! How witty!

It doesn’t stop there.

I heard a story once about a lady who gave birth to twins.

She had two boys. Since she hadn’t yet had a chance to name her babies, the nurses at the hospital put them each in a bassinet and labled them:
Boy A
Boy B

When this woman woke up from her post labor nap, she thought the hospital had taken the liberty of naming her boys for her.

You got it. She named her boys Boya and Boyb.

Maybe where she comes from, they really DO name your children for you in order of the alphabet?

Another true story:

A young girl gave birth to a daughter. She named her kid:
L_ea

No, we’re not playing hangman. That was her name.

Confused?

C’mon! Her name was La-dash-ea. How could you not figure out that you’re supposed to pronounce the line in her name?

In which case, your GED taught you nothing, because if her name was L-dash-ea, it should be spelled L-ea. As it reads now, your baby’s name is La-underscore-ea

So, I thought I’d help out all the mothers out there who feel the need to give their child a horrifyingly stupid name using backwards words, non-letters, and the like. The benefits are two-fold. They sound just as stupid as they should, AND they describe any mother who does this to their child:

1.) Elohssa
2.) Toidi
3.) Ssabmud
4.) Norom
5.) Erom Em Sevol Susej
6.) Daehkcarc

Much respect to those that can successfully read those backwards. Now do you see how these poor children must feel?

*At the discretion of my boyfriend, he suggested I take out anything that might be “offensive” to some. I obliged. My apologies. When all is said and done, we are all God’s children. God bless.

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3 Responses to “A Baby’s Name is Directly Proportional to His Mom’s Stupidity”

  1. Maura Says:

    It’s LaDASHea, Boo! Get it right! Gotta love Social Security…

  2. DAD Says:

    This is why I chose the name DAD!!

  3. Lilee Says:

    While funny, I’ve heard so many varying stories about the La-Dash-A name that I doubt it’s true. It’s just a story that goes around when people are talking about stupid baby names. The same goes about the story of the twins named Orangejello and Lemonjello. Now, a true story is about a couple in New Zealand that wanted to name their daughter Tallulah-Does-The-Hula as her first name. A family court judge disallowed the name.


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