The Sweater Man

November 10, 2010

Thank you to all THIRTEEN of you who voted in my poll. I gotta say, I’m a little disappointed that of the 35 people who viewed my poll post, only 13 of you voted. But still, many thanks to those of you who did.

I got a pretty interesting array of votes. In general, most of you enjoy my blog no matter what I post.

Awww…**blush**……thanks guyssssss.

However, three of you wrote in specific requests. So, I now have to come up with a post that combines weight loss, fitness/nutrition, and my boyfriend’s copious amounts of body hair.

I love a good challenge. Here we go…

A Hairy Man’s Guide to Working Out in a Hair-Free Environment
By Lindsay Hutton

Everybody needs to work out– even you, Sweater Man. And although I know it’s not your fault God granted you with amazing amounts of body hair, that doesn’t mean everyone wants to get a glimpse of it while you’re huffing and puffing your way through a rigorous workout.

Now, this isn’t to say I don’t think you deserve to occupy the same space as me. I would never ask you to leave the gym simply because you are offending me with your tufts of hair. That would be racist.

And I’m not racist.

But I do ask that you make a concerted effort to help keep the gym as hair-free as possible. The last thing I want is to find myself doing push-ups amongst mounds of fluffy hairballs left on the gym mats by you.

So, first and foremost, please– wear a shirt. We know you’re already wearing a human hair sweater, but that is not a stand in for an actual shirt. Cover it up with some cotton, will you?

If you don’t like 100% cotton because you find your hair pokes through the fabric like it’s desperately trying to escape, try a shirt made of a nice cotton/spandex blend.

I know what you’re probably thinking:

“But what if I get hot? Nothing cools me off quite like whipping off my shirt and letting some cool air circulate through my chest hair like a built in air conditioner.”

I understand. Working up a sweat does make you want to whip off your clothes in an effort to cool down.

But you don’t see me running around my shirt off, do you? And although I’m sure being covered in hair probably makes you a lot hotter than your hair-free counter-parts, the rules still apply.

I know it sucks. But we all have to make sacrifices. Do your part. Keep your shirt on.

And the mirrors on the walls in the weights area? Those aren’t there for you to inspect your body for any more offending hair that might be sprouting up.

You’re already covered in hair– why do you seem so surprised when you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror?

And why does it possess you to approach the mirror and inspect your body for more hair?

Really, spare us having to watch you pull up your shirt and proudly pat your fluffy stomach as you twirl around to admire the nice tuft poking up from the back of your shirt.

And finally, if you find yourself shedding, take a few minutes to wipe down the offending area. It takes two minutes, and saves me from accidentally rolling around in your hair while I lay on the floor to do my crunches.

See, Sweater Man? The rules aren’t that hard to follow. All you really need to do is keep your hair nicely tucked away while you workout and I think we’ll get along just fine.

As a side note, I think what I’m going to start doing is alternating funny posts with some interesting and/or important posts about fitness and nutrition. I’m hoping the result will be a nice blend of humor and actual take-away information. Stay tuned.


One Response to “The Sweater Man”

  1. Liz Dalton Says:

    Nice work, I am chuckling!

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