Are You Hangry?

October 27, 2010

You know the feeling, right? The feeling you get when it’s well after breakfast but nowhere near lunch. You’re starving and you feel like you could eat a horse, and your extreme hunger is making you a little shaky and light-headed and all you can really think about is food and that pisses you off to no end, therefore resulting in extreme displaced anger towards any little thing that happens to you at that particular moment.

Insignificant annoyances are suddenly so catastrophically hindering to your every day existence that you feel as though you just can’t go on. Such instances can be, but certainly are not limited to:

The guy in the cube next to you, breathing = Why is he BREATHING so loud?? He sounds like a f*cking DYSON VACUUM CLEANER! (as you glare angrily at the partition between you and him for a solid 5 minutes)

It’s a tad breezy outside = STOP BLOWING ON ME. I HATE YOU WIND. I HATE YOU!! (as you hysterically shake your fist at the imaginary Wind Gods that are no doubt looking down at you and laughing.)

You have to stop at a red light = Ho-ly CHRIST, the world is conspiring against me to NEVER GET TO MY DESTINATION! I’m NEVER driving again. NEVER!

You can sorta kinda hear your upstairs neighbor walking around above you = TAKE OFF THE GOD DAMN STILETTOS, PRINCESS MARY, SO I CAN HAVE A LITTLE PEACE AND QUIET DOWN HERE! (coupled with a few angry bangs on the ceiling because, you know, that’ll really get your point across.)

Your boyfriend/girlfriend sends you a nice little ‘thinking of you’ text telling you to “Have nice day! (Smiley face, kissy smooch, muah)” = LEAVE ME ALONE YOU CLINGY TODDLER-MAN-HYBRID! (as you throw your phone across the room in a fit of rage.)

Your roommate/significant other comes home and politely asks the obligatory “How was your day?” = WHAT? You think I don’t WORK? YOU think your job is BETTER THAN MINE? Don’t use that condescending tone with ME, ASSH*LE!

There’s a slight drizzle outside, not even enough to warrant an umbrella or cause any frizzing to your hair = Hey, F*cking Weatherman! Thanks for doing your job! Maybe if you were RIGHT once in a WHILE, I wouldn’t be caught in this God Damn F*cking (bleep)(bleeeeeeep) TSUNAMI!!!!!!!!

Ever felt like this? Oh, yes. I’m sure you have. We’ve all been there. It’s a horrible feeling really. You’re hungry. And you’re angry.

You’re hangry.

Go eat something, you big jerk, and stop blaming the rest of the world for your low blood sugar.


3 Responses to “Are You Hangry?”

  1. Brotha Says:

    First blog post in a long time and I do believe it’s the most vulgar…very nice.

    Who’s the hangry one huh?

  2. DAD Says:

    You TALKING to ME!!!!! I resemble that fact. HaHa
    Glad to see you have risen from blog blahs.
    love you, DAD

  3. Dana Burger Says:

    Butthead geeza all that anger reminds me of when we were 12…

    go eat a snickers bar lol…

    miss you

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